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THE REAL
PRAYER OF WOMEN:
Now I lay me
Down to sleep.
I pray the Lord
My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles
Please no bags
And please lift my butt
Before it sags.
Please no age spots
Please no gray
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord
For all that you've done.
Five tips for a
woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a
job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to
you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
(10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES")
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that has a 1-800 number.
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Your bumper sticker says:
How's my driving? (call) 1-800-BITE-ME
8. You can't believe those extra 25 pounds you've gained
is'nt water weight.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The Tylenol bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cat's facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're
nuts."
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